Have a “rejection pick me up ritual”

Throughout my childhood, I was one of those kids at school whose lunchbox was always at risk of falling into the hands of those who didn’t have their own. Everyone in my class used to wonder what I was having for lunch until recess. On several occasions, I was groped and mobbed while my lunch box was being snatched. But despite this, nothing could evoke my interest in cooking. Yes, I was one of those girls who would do anything to not enter the kitchen, like paying 3,000 rupees a month to a cook who would make inedible food. Although I would crib about it, and then let it go because what was the alternative anyway? This cycle of self-pity and denial continued until I moved to the United States a few years ago. This was the time in my life when the salary of a maid surpassed our salaries by five times, and to maintain a roof over our heads, we decided to forgo this luxury, and cook on our own. I started to make more calls to my mother, missing her even more because, really, who doesn’t like to sit and gloat? Fast forward to 2022, when history got interpolated into the present, and I, like many of us, sought warmth in food.

I turn to cook if I am sad, disconsolate, angry (also cleaning and decluttering, which reminds me, how wisely channeling anger can be repurposed to get organized), and confused. But it came to my aid the most when I was rejected. Rejections, however, are a story for another day, but I have faced quite a few that have helped me gain resilience and culinary skills. Although I am not suggesting emotional binge-eating here, what I am advocating is that I cook soul foods for myself—home-cooked Indian delicacies—avoid junk foods, and create something wonderful I can taste, smell, touch, and see myself relishing. Something so appealing and appeasing to all of my senses can never fail to lift my spirits! I get a mini goal of conquering the new recipe, and once I achieve it, I feel so accomplished that my self-worth jumps back up instantly.

My husband lovingly (I assume) says, “You should face more failures because we get to eat so many delicacies.” That’s because the penultimate time I failed, I went on a spree to cook mutton nihari (sorry, the autocorrect just changed this into mutton Johari, but my husband is very much safe, and so is his entire side of the family), ramen, banana bread (of course that’s lockdown we are talking about), cakes, pizzas (from scratch, again, credit to the leisurely lockdown), and bread! On second thought, I think had I known the life-saving hack of “cooking to cope,” I might have gotten over my ex-roommate’s betrayals and other heartbreaks sooner. Nevertheless, “let bygones be bygones”!

What I mean to say here is to have an “after rejection pick-me-up ritual.” Instead of agonizing over what did not work out, practice that ritual whenever you are ready. I clean my kitchen, cook a grand meal, and sit with my family at the table to savor what I have. By the end of this process, what I had failed at seems so insignificant in comparison to everything I have that I wake up the next day invigorated, ready to take on new challenges and achieve my goals. This way I save time, make my dearest bellies warm, and sleep well myself.

For you, it can be rituals like a bubble bath with essential oils, a mindful walk outside while listening to a walk meditation, a gossip session with your best friend, a sweaty workout, a cozy sleep-in, a good motivational read, a warm savory takeout, blasting out music and moving your body to the ecstatic tune, or dipping your fingers in cold, wet paint. Whatever it is, just have one. It could be with people or alone, but either way, it will be for YOU, your-SELF, and YOUR peace.