Not here for “Wonder Woman”!

In our society, we are constantly under the radar of judgment. constantly trying to prove our worth. So as a young adult, when my blood was hot and so was my mind, I often questioned why we as women were encouraged to be “superwomen,” bearing all the pain, mental stress, emotional distress, and struggles. Why are we told that we are lucky to have the opportunity to sacrifice our health, our peace, and sometimes our dreams for harder choices? I agree that not all of us go through the same experiences, but a few of us may have had to let go of our passions, and some may have had to compromise on their health just to keep the world around them running, which in return is seldom appreciated because that is your “job” after all! That is what you are supposed to do. I mean, they are not entirely wrong; who gets appreciated for eating, bathing, and speaking? No one. They are expected of you anyway. NO. 

I also fail to understand why, as a mother, a homemaker, a woman, and even as a person, we are constantly put on a pedestal to be judged for everything we do or do not do. Why does society ask us to prove ourselves for every single thing, be it raising kids, running a household, making a career, staying fit, or also dealing with the pressure of staying the Wonder Woman we are supposed to be? Let me share a background story.

Back in 2014, I started mentoring an underprivileged girl under the program Teach for India. I still remember the day I met this 8-year-old. She was a little girl hiding behind her mother’s saree pallu when she first came to see me, occasionally peeping out from the side and grinning ear to ear. She was so excited to begin a new journey. I had to take her to a coffee shop on the next street, and while walking up there, she had this weird obsession with thumping on every car parked on the roadside. So, after a five-minute ice-breaking introduction and minimal eye contact, we started our first session. Her eyes were brimming with mischief. She never liked to study, but she loved to color. So we tried to learn through coloring that day. Over the course of one year, we managed to become close friends. She used to tell me stories about why her mother asked her to study: she doesn’t want her child to work as a maid when she grows up; how her uncle and aunt treated her badly; why she doesn’t remember her father; and how, when she grows up, she will get back the disputed land in their village.

Her mother was her only companion. Her father remarried after she was born because even today, some people believe having a son and a grandson is their only ticket to heaven. That’s how petty our karma is against the magnitude of the virtue of the birth of a male child! Her mother used to work as a maid to make ends meet and educate her only child. She had sacrificed so much and had a long life ahead of her. But she was “supposed” to work because she couldn’t stay at her brother’s house for free, and she was “supposed” to take care of the entire house because, well, it was her house after all, and everyone did it. She was also “supposed” to not complain about her husband because she failed to give him a son! Society sometimes forget that we are women and our goal in life is not to “woo-men”!How unfair! And she was “supposed” to go through all of this on her own, because, of course, she was a strong woman, a SUPERWOMAN!

There is also a myth that says that god created women in a separate caste and blessed them with 50% more resilience and 75% less self-respect. She was a woman on a pedestal who now must live for her only daughter, box everything else she might want for herself, and throw it in the ocean. Because she must prove herself as a good mother after failing to prove herself as a good wife!

If just thinking about her hurts my heart, imagine how painful it must be to live through it! Now one can say it’s an extreme scenario. People in our society and those who are around us aren’t all that bad. For sure! But still, there is a gap, a need to not constantly remind someone of what they should have or could have done but didn’t, of how they failed to prove themselves as the irreplaceable superhero woman she was supposed to be. There is a need to not judge women for simply anything we choose, be it home or work, kids or no kids, marriage or no marriage, or even their preferences in food, clothing, and sexual orientation. We do not want to be the strong female goddesses who handle all the pressure of expectations, judgments, and life in general. We want to be treated as just humans. I don’t want to be the illustrious, great idol of sacrifice and selflessness. I don’t want people to always look up to me. I am in no race to prove to anyone what I am worth. All I want to do is make the most of what I have, what I can do, and what I intend to do.